


it's one a.m. i must be lonely

by rangerhitomi



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal
Genre: Gen, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-30
Updated: 2015-10-30
Packaged: 2018-04-28 20:55:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 781
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5105465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rangerhitomi/pseuds/rangerhitomi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Durbe knows that Ryoga Kamishiro and Nasch aren't the same man, but the knowledge that "Nasch" isn't there anymore doesn't make it any easier to deal with trying to adjust to a new life without him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	it's one a.m. i must be lonely

**Author's Note:**

> prompt: "things you said at 1am"

Things will never be the same as they were, Durbe realizes quickly, because neither he nor Nasch are the same. There are _similarities,_ certainly – Ryoga Kamishiro hates peppers and has a strong affinity for the ocean and will throw himself into harm’s way with reckless abandon to save his friends – but… _Ryoga_ doesn’t smile the way Nasch did. He’s quieter. He keeps to himself. He scowls more, trusts less, and…

…maybe Durbe’s selfish for wanting Ryoga to touch his shoulder the way Nasch did, to give him a sly smile that said clearly _I need to get away tonight_. But Ryoga never does, and Durbe’s left wishing for the life that once was because he knows the life that _is_ no longer holds anything in store for the two of them. Ryoga… is not Nasch.

They’re watching a movie one night; Alit falls asleep in his armchair, Gilag is resting his head on the coffee table, Mizael got bored halfway through and went back to his room earlier in the night. (Vector wasn’t invited, because Ryoga refuses to forgive him and Durbe can’t blame him in the slightest; it’s hard to forgive someone for killing everyone you care about in front of your own eyes.) Durbe dozes off on the sofa next to Nasch before the movie is over – it’s late, and he’s exhausted – and falls into the same damn nightmares he’s suffered through ever since being reborn a second time.

(Yuma may have seen it as a second chance, a chance at living a life that had been taken from him too soon before, but Durbe sees it as a form of torture, reliving those horrible things he wishes he can forget.)

He wakes up with a jolt after being stabbed through the back with a sword again – it will never get easier, will it? – and finds Ryoga’s hand on his shoulder. Ryoga’s shaking him hesitantly; his expression is set a kind of concern that Durbe remembers Nasch having. The muted blue light from the movie screen’s title menu flickers in Ryoga’s narrowed eyes.

“Hey.” His voice is gruff, but quiet.

Durbe breathes in through his nose and exhales through his mouth, trying to steady his racing heart, and sits up. Ryoga’s hand falls from his shoulder. Durbe wonders what he should say – thanks? sorry? – but gets distracted when Ryoga scoots a little closer. So he doesn’t say anything at all.

“Is this normal?” Ryoga asks, and it’s still in a quiet voice that Durbe assumes is meant not to wake up Alit and Gilag.

“Is what normal?”

Ryoga gestures vaguely with one hand. “You were… flailing around. It woke me up.”

“I wasn’t _flailing_ ,” Durbe says defensively.

“You kicked me in the ribs,” Ryoga retorts, scowling.

_Oh._ ”They’re just dreams.”

“If they’re keeping you from sleeping at night, you should talk to someone about them.”

Durbe snorts. It’s unbecoming of him, but he doesn’t care at the moment. “Talk to someone? Who would even believe me, Nasch? _Yes, I’m having dreams about a past life where I was a knight and I was murdered by my friends before being reborn as a rock demon created out of a negative life force energy called Chaos by a demon god—“_

“All right, shut up.” Ryoga sounds terse, and his hand is clenched on his pant leg. “Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, Durbe.”

“And how do you know what _suits me_?” It’s amazing that Alit and Gilag aren’t stirring through this argument, Durbe thinks, because his voice is getting a little too loud. “I’m not the same man _you_ knew.”

Ryoga flinches as though slapped and Durbe regrets the harsh words. But they’re true, aren’t they? He’s not the same, just as Nasch isn’t the same… “Maybe we’re both different,” Ryoga says stiffly, “and things will never be the way either of us remember them, but I thought… I was still your friend.”

_Will you follow me still, Durbe? Knowing that this war will change both of us?_

_I will follow you into the next life, my friend._

Ryoga stands, grabs the remote from the coffee table, and flicks the television off. It’s now so dark that Durbe can’t see more than Ryoga’s silhouette.

“It’s one in the morning,” he says in a voice so quiet Durbe almost misses it. “You should go to bed.” He turns, starts to walk away, and stops again. “If you need to talk, I… I know what you’re going through. Might be easier.”

Durbe sits in the dark, the silence, and closes his eyes. There is one more difference between Ryoga and Nasch, he realizes. Nasch wouldn’t have left him there in the dark after a nightmare.


End file.
